Ferrari Mailing List: Re: OT - CLARKSON QUOTES

[Fellippe Galletta (fellippe.galletta]

LOLOLOLOLOL!!!

Excellent stuff.....only 2 or 3 I heard before, the rest new.

Great find, D-boy..

FG

On 8/23/07, Dennis Liu <bigheaddennis [at] gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Jeremy on...
>
>
>
> "I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like
> having Keira Knightley in
> your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you've got even half a scrotum it's
> not going to happen."
>
> "We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the Ladybird
> Book
> of Motorcars from 1963,
> and as you would imagine it's full of rubbish really. Just endless boring
> grey shapes, until you get
> to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for me, when I
> was
> little, was like kind
> of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In a bath together. With a Lightning jet
> fighter. And lots of jelly."
>
> "[about Porsche Cayman S] There are many things I'd rather be doing than
> driving it, including
> waiting for Bernard Manning to come off stage in a sweaty nightclub, and
> then licking his back
> clean"
>
>
> ....."the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a politician
> stepped off an aeroplane in
> 1939 waving a piece of paper in the air saying there will be no war with
> Germany"
>
> "America: 250 million wankers living in a country with no word for wanker"
>
> On the Alfa Romeo Brera...
> "I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather and I'm nursing a
> semi!"
>
> Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - 'It couldn't pull a greased
> stick out of a pig's
> bottom'
>
> On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR:
> "there is a word to describe this car: it begins with "s"
> and ends with "t" and its not "soot".
> Hammond:"So its fairly terrible then?"
> Clarkson:"Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is another
> league
> of badness!"
>
> "some say, that he used to throw microwave ovens at homeless people - and
> that he long before anyone
> else realised that jade goody is a racist pig faced waste of blood and
> organs............all we
> know, is that he's called the Stig!"
>
> "the Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an
> Ethiopian
> transvestite"
>
> "Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's
> what
> gets you."
>
> 'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in the
> dashboard blowing at you
> through a straw'
>
> "Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable.
> More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"
>
> "The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater convertible
> was
> Adolf Hitler"
>
>
> (Fed up during the caravanning trip)
> "You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have music, you
> aren't allowed to play
> ball games, you aren't allowed to have a camp fire, you have to park
> within
> two feet of a post, you
> have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven. This is not a
> holiday,
> it's a concentration
> camp!"
>
> "This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not
> that that's much to shout
> about. That's like saying "Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the
> sexually transmitted
> diseases.
>
>
> (Mercedes CLs55) "Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less
> painful to actually hit the
> tree you were trying to miss."
>
> "I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places
> quicker than I do?"
>
> Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars domain,
> they do not pay road tax
> and therefore have no right to be on the road, some of them even believe
> they are going fast enough
> to not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong'
>
> "I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter from a
> reader who wrote, 'I was
> riding my bike to work when this red Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of
> the window, Jeremy
> Clarkson shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was,
> 'Get
> a car you hatchet
> faced, leaf-eating Nazi"
>
> "Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably because
> they don't have wheel-chair
> access"
>
> 1) "If we are being honest HIV is a pathetic virus, it can only live in
> the
> air for 6seconds and it
> does what Ebola does to you in 10days in 10years"
> 2) "Mandela just doesn't deserve his pedestal, I'm mean the blokes a bit
> dodgy"
> 3) On Mandela's claim that Cuba is a good advert for democracy!!! "Well
> Mr.
> Mandela why don't you go
> and ask one of the 12 year old Cuban prostitutes which way her parents
> voted"
>
> "Now we get quite a lot of complaints that we don't feature enough
> affordable cars on the
> show......so we'll kick off tonight with the cheapest Ferrari of them
> all!"
>
> On the Lotus Elise:
> "This car is more fun than the entire French air force crashing into a
> firework factory"
>
> "Now as you can see I lost the battle to have two engines on the back
> because of three very
> important reasons. One: weight. This is 600 Lbs and that's the same as
> having a whole American
> sitting on the tailgate..."
>
> "I would still buy the DB9 over this, and save myself the £60,000. The
> problem with this car is its
> gearbox, its just........"
> Hammond:"THAT bad is it?"
> Clarkson:"Oh no. Robert Mugabe is bad, this is in a whole different
> league!"
>
> In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it
> on sale, and then found
> out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the
> factory
> complaining about how
> dead he was.
>
> "the DB9 has rear seats but no mammal yet created, not even when God was
> on
> the LSD trip that gave
> us the pink flamingo, could fit into them."
>
> Assessing Hammond's crash:
> Clarkson:"you can see from the tape that the tyre is starting to come
> apart.
> now why didn't you spot
> that?!"
> Hammond:"I had a lot on: I was doing 288 mph."
> Clarkson: "What do you mean you had a lot on? I can be in the office on
> the
> phone, doing the
> paperwork, kids are shouting at me, wife etc, if a lion walks in, I'm
> going
> to notice it!"
>
> "Sure it's quiet, for a diesel. But that's like being well-behaved... for
> a
> murderer."
>
> "I don't often agree with the RSPCA as i believe it is an animals duty to
> be
> on my plate at supper
> time"
>
> "there are footballers wives that would be happy with this quality of
> stitching... on their face"
>
> "Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work.
> It's
> like making a hard core
> adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels.
> You'd just end up with a
> sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face. "
>
> "Much more of a hoot to drive than you might imagine. Think of it, if you
> like, as a librarian with
> a G-string under the tweed. I do, and it helps."
>
> "you cant have this car with a diesel, its like saying, i wont go to
> stringfellows tonight, ill get
> my mum to give me a lapdance, she's a woman!"
>
> "During the break we got complaints that we don't show enough green cars
> so
> here's one..."
> Pointing to a Lamborghini Murcielago... in bright green
>
> Tonight, the new Viper, which is the American equivalent of a sports
> car...
> in the same way, I
> guess, that George Bush is the equivalent of a President.
>
> "Honestly, I have seen more attractive gangrenous wounds than this. It has
> the sex appeal of a camel
> with gingivitis."
>            Jeremy said this of the Porsche Cayenne!
>
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