Ferrari Mailing List: [just came across this] FW: Ferrari listmembers, economics, and COWS

[Dennis Liu (bigheaddennis]

Howdy, all.  No, I'm not back - just stumbled across this in the old
archives while searching for something else; reread it, LOL, thought I'd
pass it on again.  From Dr. Ken and yours truly.  Enjoy!
 
vty,
 
--Dennis


-----Original Message-----
From: ken rentiers [mailto:rentiers [at] mac.com]
Sent: Thursday, January 31, 2002 3:23 PM
To: BigHeadDennis [at] earthlink.net
Cc: list [at] ferrarilist.com
Subject: Re: Ferrari listmembers, economics, and COWS


Little Rickyism:
You have half a cow. You try and sell it on e-bay.

BigHeadism:
You have two cows. They are longhorns and get stuck in the fence all the
time.

Fellipeism:
You go to school and live in Manhattan. At night, you dream about cows.

Rentiersm:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy some rubber boots. You trade the
other cow for a sheep.

Jenkinism:
You have five cows in a massive new garage. You spend all your time on an
Italjet.

clyDeism:
You couldn't spell 'cow' if someone spotted you the 'C' and the 'o'.

Rainboltism:
You have an old Jersey, but somehow manage to lap all the Holsteins on track
day.

Lindsayism:
Your daughter takes a cow to the prom.

FCAism:
You have two cows. They are new. They never come out of the barn.

Bart Simpsonism:
You don't have a cow, man!
On Thursday, January 31, 2002, at 12:02 PM, Dennis Liu wrote:



Ferrari List economics!!!
__________

clyDeism:
You have two cows, both of which you bought at auction for less than one
chicken. You do all the vet work yourself, all the milking yourself, and
will turn them into steaks yourself. You brand your cows with a picture of
Calvin pissing on a Porsche emblem.

Jenkinism:
You patiently spend years raising your two cows to be excellent farm
animals, then sell them at the top of the market. With the proceeds, you go
ahead and live a fulfilling life, albeit periodically doing really weird
things under the influence of breakfast cereals mixed with the 9k gallons of
milk you saved and vaccum-sealed in the basement of your manse.

D.G. Shreevesism:
You have two cows. You note that it cost you $10k in vet bills to get one
cow to produce milk correctly (well, almost correctly, there are still some
bugs in the system), and lament that neither cow (or any cow today, for that
matter) performs its duties nearly as well as a turbocharged, Japanese
all-leg drive cow from over a decade ago. You also regret that one cannot
ride the cows today in the same manner that you used to ride your Italian,
rear-leg-drive cows over dirt roads in cow competitions back in the '70s.
One of your cows runs away when you try to install a DirectTV dish and linux
box on it.

Rentiersm:
You have two cows. You trade one for a bull, mate them, raise the calfs,
breed them, ad infinitum. Taking your profits, you buy the largest ranch in
Texas for your ranching concern. Eventually, you raise your own flag,
secede from the Union, declare yourself Czar, impose the death penalty for
left-lane stragglers, send all people with IQs below room temperature to
special camps, require a gun rack to be mounted on all cows, and die happy.

Qism:
You spend all of your time examining and taking care of your cows,
completely puzzled why your Italian cows have udders from pigs, hooves from
horses, and horns from antelope. You eventually want to tear out your hair
because of all the time you've spent trying to diagnose the friggin' Italian
Cow milking system.

Rainboltism:
You have two Italian cows, both in excellent shape because you groom and
train them from the hooves up. You don't actually get around to selling
milk, because you're always buying new cows to groom and train, and
answering questions from the ignorant masses on the best way to groom and
train cows. Eventually, your barn gets full of cows in various stages of
grooming and training.

Lindsayism:
Much like Rainboltism, except that your cows are not only Italian, but also
weird breeds from Britain and Germany.

Lashdeepism:
You have one cow, big, heavy, American, powerful and flatulent. You go out
and buy chrome horseshoes and, um, a large, uh, exhaust for it. You then
spend months and thousands of dollars training and preparing your one cow to
compete at the racetrack with stallions, but you never actually go to the
track. The reason you have only one cow is because you're still awaiting
delivery of your Italian cow.

________ism:
You have two cows. You tell your friends about how you accidentally lost
one cow in a hunting accident, lost another cow in a road rage incident, and
lost another who accidentally ate the spicy salsa and peanut butter mixture
you left out for your neighbor's dog. When asked how you lost three cows
when you started with two, you flame the people who ask.

BigHeadism:
You have two cows and a moderately successful milk business, but it goes to
ruins because (a) you price your milk really really low, 'cause you wouldn't
pay full price for milk and can't imagine anyone else doing the same, (b)
you waste all of your time typing out really boring and long e-mails to
people who don't want to receive them and certainly don't read them, and
(c) you have no friends left because you've insulted all of them.

Any more contributions?

vty,

--Dennis


-----Original Message-----
From: owner-list [at] ferrarilist.com [mailto:owner-list [at] ferrarilist.com]On
Behalf Of Lawrence Bardfeld
Sent: Wednesday, January 30, 2002 9:56 AM
To: 'Craig B. Eastwood'
Cc: Ferrari List (E-mail)
Subject: RE: [Ferrari] New Economics (NFC)


The more complete (but ex-Enron) list:

World Ideologies as Explained by Reference to Cows

FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with
everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The
government gives you a glass of milk.  
 
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM =

Your cows are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of
the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government
gives you as much milk and eggs the regulations say you should need.

FASCISM =

You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of
them, and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM
You share two cows with your neighbors. You and your neighbors bicker
about who has the most "ability" and who has the most "need". Meanwhile, no
one   works, no one gets any milk, and the cows drop dead of starvation.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government   takes
all the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on
the   black market.

PERESTROIKA
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the Mafia takes all
the milk. You steal back as much milk as you can and sell it on the "free"
market.  
 
CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY =

You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the
milk.

BUREAUCRACY
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed  them
and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it
takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
Then   it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

CAPITALISM
You don't have any cows. The bank will not lend you money to buy cows,
because you don't have any cows to put up as collateral.

PURE ANARCHY =

You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your
neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

ANARCHO-CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM =

You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica
lessons.

OLYMPICS-ISM
You have two cows, one American, one Chinese. With the help of  trilling
violins and state of the art montage photography, John Tesh  narrates the
moving tale of how the American cow overcame the agony of
growing up in a suburb with (gasp) divorced parents, then mentions in
passing that it   watched its parents butchered before its eyes. The
American cow wins the   competition, severely spraining an udder in a gritty
performance, and gets a   multi-million dollar contract to endorse Wheaties.
The Chinese cow is led   out of the   arena and shot by Chinese government
officials, though no one ever hears   about   it. McDonald's buys the meat
and serves it hot and fast at its Beijing   restaurant.