Ferrari Mailing List: Re: NFC BMW 740

[Brian E. Buxton (BrianBuxton]

<<Dave Handa wrote:
Seems you have all your answers, so why ask us? Or are you looking for 
someone to argue with? ;-)>>

I'd like to buy an argument, please!

-----------------------------------------

A man walks into an office.

Man: Hello, I'd like to buy an argument, please.
Receptionist: Certainly, sir. Have you been here before?
Man: No, I haven't.
Receptionist: I see, Do you want to have a full argument or were you 
thinking of taking a course?
Man: Well, what would be the cost?
Receptionist: Well, it costs 1P for a 5 minute argument or almost 8P for 
a course of ten.
Man: Hmmm, Well I think it's probably best if I start with the one and 
see how it goes from there, o.k.?
Receptionist: Fine, I'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. Debakey's 
free, but he's a little bit concilliatory. Yes, well, try Mr. Barnard, 
Room 12.
Man: Thank you.

He enters room 12.

Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?
Man: Well, I was told outside that...
Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!
Man: What?
A: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR KIND REALLY MAKES ME PUKE! YOU 
VACUOUS, STUFFY-NOSED, MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
M: LOOK, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT!!
A: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!
M: (smiling) Oh! Oh I see! Well, that explains it!
A: Oh no, you want room 12A, next door.
M: I see... Sorry...
A: Not at all! No, that's alright.

M: (leaves room)

A: (under his breath) Stupid git.

The man goes into room 12A. Another man is sitting behind a desk.

Man : (knocks)

Other Man: Come in.
Man: Is this the where I come for an argument?
Other Man:(pause) I've told you once.
Man: No you haven't!
Other Man: Yes I have.
M: When?
O: Just now.
M: No, you didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: Didn't!
O: Did!
M: Didn't!
O: I'm telling you, I did!
M: You did NOT!
O: Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute or the full half hour?
M: (Confused) (Pauses) Oh, Just the five minute one. (Closes door and 
sits down.)
O: Oh, a five. Thank you.
O: Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not!
O: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you!
M: You did not.
O: Yes I did.
M: You did not.
O: Yes I did.
M: Didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: Didn't!
O: Yes I did!
M: Look, this isn't an argument!
O: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't! It's just contradiction!
O: No it isn't!
M: Yes, it is!
O: It is NOT!
M: It IS! You just contradicted me!
O: No, I didn't!
M: Oh, you DID!
O: oh, no, no, nonono!
M: You did just then!
O: No, no, nonsense!
M: (exasperated) Oh, this is futile!!
O: No, it isn't!
M: I came here for a good argument!
O: No, you didn't. You came here for an argument!
M: Well, an argument is not the same thing as contradiction.
O: (Pauses) It CAN be!
M: No, it can't! An argument is a connecting series of statements to 
establish a
proposition.
O: No, it isn't!
M: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.
O: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!
M: Yes but it isn't just saying "No it isn't".
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't! (Pauses and looks away, slightly confused)
M: (Continuing) Arguments are an intellectual process. Contradiction is 
just an automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
O: (pause) No, it isn't.
M: Yes, it is!
O: Not at all!
M: Now look...

The Other Man hits a bell on his desk and stops.

O: Thank you. Good morning.
M: (stunned) What?
O: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested!
O: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes just now!!
O: 'fraid it was.
M: (leading on) No it wasn't.....
(Short Pause)
O: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more.
M: What??
O: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five 
minutes.
M: But that was never five minutes just now! Oh Come on! This is ridiculous!
O: I very sorry, but I told you I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: Oh, alright. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are.
O: Thank you.
M: (clears throat) Well...
O: Well what?
M: That was never five minutes just now.
O: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: I just paid!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: No you didn't!
M: I DID!!!
O: I'm afraid you did not.
M: I don't want to argue about that!
O: Well, I'm very sorry but you didn't pay!
M: Ah hah! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing? Got you!!
O: No, you haven't!
M: Yes I have! (short pause) If you are arguing, I must have paid.
O: Not necessarily. (short pause) I *could* be arguing in my spare time.
M: I've had enough of this!
O: No, you haven't! (incentively)
M: Oh, Shut up! (Man leaves)